The Words That Can't Be Shared: Exploring the Design of Unsent Messages

Abstract: People often have things they want to say but hold back in conversations, fearing vulnerability or social consequences. Online, this restraint can take a distinctive form: even when such thoughts are written out - in moments of anger, guilt, or longing - people may choose to withhold them, leaving them unsent. This process is underexamined; we investigate the experience of writing such messages within people's digital communications. We find that unsent messages become expressive containers for suppressed feelings, where the act of writing creates a pause for reflection on the relationship and oneself. Building on these insights, we probe into how the design of the writing platforms of unsent messages affects people's experiences and motivations. Speculating with participants on nine evocative variants of a note-taking platform, we highlight how design shapes the emotional, temporal, and ritualistic qualities of unsent messages, revealing subtle tensions between people's social desires and communicative actions.